Unrequited Love

June 20, 1998

I walk through the sand on along deserted beach, not knowing what to expect. Will the sun rise in a glowing, glorious flame, burning up the sky and heating up the sand until it is unbearable hot? Or, will the clouds roll in blocking the sun completely, separating me form its warmth and comfort, leaving me to walk alone in the coldness. Or, will the sun rise slow and steady, burning off the mist one drop at a time until the sky is a sea of blue and the sand has the warmth of an old friend, inviting you to stay. The rising of a flame is energetic and brilliant but it burns quickly and leaves the world too hot to live in. The clouds that block the light leave us cold and wanting but when the sun shines again, we truly appreciate its warmth. It is the days when the fog lifts and the sun shines warm and strong that we know life is full of love and joy and that we are truly lucky to be where we are.

July 1998

Sitting alone, at the edge of the world, I sense his eyes upon me; peering deep within my being, striking that oh so familiar chord that keeps me coming back; searching, craving for more. Yet I am alone, surrounded by people in a crowded room. I long for someone to see me. I’ve never felt so alone, lost and confused. My instincts tell me one thing, your actions another. Are you afraid? I do not know. You speak so many words, but say nothing. I feel you should be with me, but I stand alone stranded in the middle of a ballroom, watching the disco ball turn around me sending glimmers of light to all corners of the room, leaving me in a pool of darkness. I slowly sink into a pit of sand with no light to guide my way. The deeper I sink, the more I need your hand to either pull me into your arms or to wave goodbye, setting me free forever. The more familiar the cool dark sand becomes, the more I strive to separate myself from that which surrounds me. Will the struggle ever end? Is the closing scene of this 1920’s melodrama worth waiting to see? Is the ecstasy worth the agony? Only you can say. Should I push you for answers? Do I play my hand or fold and let the dealer decide my fate? The game has too many unspoken rules and as we push our small plastic cars around the board, the rules constantly change around us while we ourselves evolve; forever changing and adapting until finally, we no longer recognize ourselves or those around us. But, the dance continues and we all change partners until the music stops and one person is left standing at the edge of the world feeling his eyes burn a hole through her inner peace.

August 18, 1998

Alone

Sitting in a dark room

I cry

Weeping for forgotten moments

And for time misspent

For passion lost

And games not played

Regret

It eats away my soul

Leaving me empty

Hungry

Longing for misplaced love

Left drowning

In a sea of passion

Swept away

Lost.